on school & grades & The Future

after becoming so incredibly frustrated with a chemistry assignment i've had weeks to do, i was shouting at my mother about how it didn't matter, this grade won't account for anything, it's pointless! and she responded with it doesn't matter, you're right! what matters is how you work, and the effort you put into it!
and i responded that it still didn't matter because this chem project will have no profound affect on my life.
i used to like school, i really did. i was cleaning out a dresser in my bedroom full of old assignments from elementary school and i was shocked at how creative i used to be. that was when i put effort into things, because i wanted to have fun.


but now none of it seems worth it. i'm doing course sign-ups for next year and after putting down mostly standard-level classes, i can't seem to figure out when i started to stop caring. probably in sixth grade, when i started thinking about how poorly John Lennon did in school, and look how he turned out: depressed, addicted to drugs, and wildly successful. and then eventually dead. but my logic was that at least he had done something with his life. it occurred to me shortly after establishing this theory that perhaps George Harrison would have been a better example.


either way, i think that intelligence shouldn't be measured by the letters on a piece of paper. in fact, i got good grades last term (mostly a's with two b's in chem & gym), but i don't even remember putting any effort into classes that weren't art or English, which brings another thing up: how i've always known exactly what i want to do with my life. it's always been my goal to attend university in England, get at least a master's degree in English, and then become an editor for novels, get married, and then eventually moving back home to the States. when i really think about it, it's less of a dream or a goal than a necessity to one day accomplish. despite my total apathy towards education, i feel as though i will never be happy if i don't end up doing those four things. they're literally what keeps me alive: just the prospect of those achievements is enough to smooth away the rough spots of suicidal thoughts. 


so basically i am wondering if there is a way to drop out of school but still attend university.